Dear Lisi: My partner and I have been in a relationship for four years. Initially, we were together during our university years, and later we returned to our hometown. Initially, we resided with our respective parents while seeking employment. For the past year, we have been living together in our own apartment.
Both of us are employed in satisfying jobs that provide us with enough income to sustain our lifestyle, including rent, recreational activities, and occasional travels. Once a year, my family takes a vacation, and they always extend the invitation to my partner, covering his expenses as well.
On the other hand, his parents have never included me in any family vacations until this year. They have planned a two-week trip to Hawaii for the entire family, including his two younger siblings. This came as a surprise to us as we assumed I would be part of the trip, considering the financial equality between our families.
During a recent dinner with his parents, I expressed my excitement about the upcoming trip and even requested time off from work. To our dismay, his parents made it clear that I was not invited. This led to an uncomfortable situation where I pretended to have a headache and left for my parents’ home. Subsequently, my boyfriend confronted his parents, resulting in a significant argument, leaving us unsure of how to proceed.
Awkward
I recommend that your boyfriend initiates a calm and private conversation with his parents to understand their perspective behind excluding you from the family trip. Is it a financial constraint or a desire to spend quality time solely with their children?
Once the reason is clarified, both of you can make informed decisions. If it’s a financial issue, you can consider sharing the expenses with your boyfriend. However, if his parents prefer a family-only vacation, it might be best to accept their decision gracefully. Remember, there will be other opportunities to visit Hawaii in the future. If your relationship is strong, this incident will be a minor bump, and hopefully, his parents will appreciate your understanding.
Dear Lisi: I have a quick question: How should I express my feelings to a girl I like? I am in 7th grade, and she is in 8th grade.
Middle School Madness
Before confessing your feelings, try to establish a friendship with her. Engage in conversations, participate in activities together, and get to know her better. Building a connection first will make it easier to express your feelings in the future. Rushing into a confession without a foundation of friendship may not yield the desired outcome.
FEEDBACK Regarding the situation with the uncomfortable sister (Jan. 9):
Reader 1—I agree with the response provided, but I would suggest addressing the issue in a step-by-step manner. Start by having a casual conversation with the person to make them aware of their behavior. If the behavior persists, escalate the conversation with a more direct approach. Consistently addressing the issue whenever it occurs is essential to resolving the situation.
Reader 2—You offered viable options for handling the situation, including making light of it or directly confronting the individual. Another approach could involve a private conversation with the sister’s boyfriend to express discomfort and seek clarification on his behavior. Open communication can help clarify the situation and address any misunderstandings.
Lisi– Note: I appreciate the additional suggestion for addressing the situation privately with the sister’s boyfriend.
Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are advice columnists for the Star, based in Toronto. For relationship inquiries, reach out via email: [email protected] or [email protected].